Things Change…..

As for me, the only thing that has changed about me is that I am honest about the way I am.  And yet, that has caused those who’ve I’ve held closest to my heart to change their view of me.  And I can deal with that.  But I have felt their loss.

As for me, I will encourage my children to rest in the fact that I love them, period.  I will love them if they “change”, or if they are imperfect.  I will love them, period.

 

Pity Party on Gina’s Blog

So, you’ve been warned – this will be a pathetic, self-indulgent post.  Run before it’s too late!

First of all, if my 2.78 readers wouldn’t mind praying for a friend of mine named Carolyn H.; she is having surgery on Monday 11/2.  She and I appreciate your thoughts!

Secondly, work continues to get worse every……single……moment!  I will not get into the details here because, well, I live them most of the time!  But it seems as though the owner’s nine lives may finally be up.  He has definitely manifested some really amazing life savers to date, but his magic seems to be running out…….or at least put off the inevitable……which appears to be crashing into the present with a huge and unfailing force.  While there is a huge part of me that is freaking out to be out of a job, I would be lying if I said “the end” would also offer long awaited relief!

Health wise I have had a few struggles lately.  While I don’t feel comfortable sharing the details in this venue, they HAVE caused me some tough spots.  These spots have varied from concern to inconvenience to down right freaking me out.  So, if you have a spot on your prayer list (if you are one that has such as thing) I would also appreciate a shout out on my behalf as well.  If not, your positive thoughts will be accepted! 

And on a random note, I am disappointed in myself in that I am constantly surprised by how very self-centered so many people have become!  I mean, at my age, I should be much more jaded or at least conditioned to realize that this is a common piece of society today.  Yet, I expect people to be considerate, understanding, and even POLITE.  Sheesh, what do I even know?!?!?!!?!  I forgot that today most look out “for number one” and that’s about it.  Maybe I am that way, too, come to think of it!

And I realized tonight, perhaps though it is not constant, that it would be amazingly wonderful to spend one evening without the TV blaring, without everything centering around the kids, and maybe allowing the working adult who drives 70+ miles a day to have some peace and quiet for maybe an hour.  That would be heaven on earth.  And that is the springboard of the pity party…….

Gina out.

Celebration Saga, Episode 2

Celebration Saga

Check out Part 1 of the Saga of Deana and Gina as they prepare for the celebration:

Not Sure the Definition of My Thoughts….

…..I WAS going to title this “Deep Thoughts”, but they’re not that deep…..and well, I think I overuse that phrase.  So then I thought, “Shallow Thoughts”, but well, they aren’t shallow either and I surely don’t want to imply that my thoughts aren’t important (at least to me!).  So hence, my ambiguous and – okay, I will admit it – lame title!

No one likes to be rejected.  Conversely, most would acknowledge they want acceptance.  I seek acceptance the most from the people I love…..you probably do, too.  And when I feel as though I haven’t received it in some areas of my life, I get what I call “sensitivity buttons”.  Like today, there was a scene in the movie “Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs” where I totally wanted to cry.  Not that it was a sad scene – perhaps it is best described as a touching scene.  In any case, it made me feel very clearly that I was missing a part in my life because of what I perceive as non-acceptance.  And while acknowledging it was not a surprise, the emotions it evoked totally blindsided me.

When I was younger, more naive if you will, and expected “everything to work out” the way I wanted it to, I would have angst until all the pieces fell into their perfect places.  This often meant I needed to change ME so that I could obtain the acceptance I so yearned.  I was cool with that when I was younger, although now I know it cost me to do that as well.  Now, while I have progressed to a point of accepting myself for who I am, I still often want all the pieces to fall into their smooth places and everyone end up feeling hunky dory.  But I realize, I am not there and the pieces may never fit back together.  This DOES make me sad, as today showed me (even if I try to put on a brave face to myself as well as to everyone else).  But instead of me trying to figure out what I can do to “fix this”, which used to be changing to be “more acceptable”, I am facing my emotions.  I am letting my feelings of being rejected (or whatever the case may be) flow through me and acknowledging that I really can’t fix this as this is not my problem.  I have been honest, something that I have failed at in the past, and I have been candid – lying now about the truth to somehow gain acceptance is not cool.  And yet, facing this fact doesn’t add to my emotions, but almost frees me.  I am no longer chained by my past behaviors, but I certainly do feel pain.  The pain is tied to the perceived rejection, but I am feeling stronger knowing that fighting that rejection no longer pushes me to change the truth of me.

This may make no sense to you, but it has helped me tremendously!  :

Gina Out

This is REAL People!

Sharing some of the craziness that is my job……

• My boss has owned this business for 5 years.  During that time, he has paid the WITHHOLDING TAXES from his employees checks about 5 times (all during the time I worked there, which began in January 2009).  The IRS has threatened to seize his assets and have levied the bank accounts numerous times.  Same with EDD.  He hired a tax advocate, who said we had to “no longer pyramid” (aka, pay each payroll cycle the withholding taxes) so that they can negotiate waiving the penalties and interest.  Sigh.  Nope, hasn’t happened.  When I give him a list for THIS YEAR’S amount due (approx. $750,000) and remind him he owes over $1mil for 2007 alone, he tells me the IRS can’t do anything to him.
• The tax advocates recommended that my boss close the corporation that owes the $1+ million and just use the new corporation that he opened this year.  That way, the employer’s portion would go away, which amounts to about $400,000.  They said, to do that, he could NOT merge the companies because the liability would come over.  When I learned of this, I said I needed time to convert the accounting records, the employees, transfer the leases, etc.  I was told I would get that.  Yep, I got 24 hours notice!  And what’s funny…….the two leases that “converted” have been refused by the landlords!  You see, the boss was SURE that they would accept 100% of the same terms and fees for the new company, that there would be no credit check, etc.  That was 7/31 and it’s still not resolved.  Oh, and guess what?  The companies were MERGED…….
• We are being sued by several vendors that want the past due invoices paid.  The boss says they can’t do that because it will mess up our chances of getting the huge loan to consolidate all of the debt that we have not even been making payments on.
• We received a subpoena yesterday, which the boss said we do not have to respond to.
• We have not paid sales tax for four months.  He says that is not really that important.
• Today is payday and we are overdrawn in all bank account by over $10,000
• Even sharing a FEW of the items above, the boss is opening a new location in Las Vegas in about a month.  Not sure where the capital is coming from to do that.  Not sure how the lease he signed is legal since he used a corporation that hasn’t even been formed yet.  Not sure how I will pay the 100+ union employees he will have as I don’t have the info to set up the accounting, bank accounts, order checks, etc.  But I have been told I am “too negative” since I keep asking for these details.  But remember, Gina, the cashflow will be AMAZING and we can pay all of our vendors off!  At that point, I remind the boss that this will be set up under a different corporation and AGAIN, you really can’t pay the bills of one corporation with the money from another……….
• Oh, and don’t forget that I am “the problem” with other employees, especially the one that has been historically written up for anger issues and even was sent to anger management classes.  SHE has the “greatest attitude” of all the employees……..

Yes, this was a vent.   And I am completely hopeless that anything will change.  Because, the biggest lesson I have learned is that the boss doesn’t haven’t to follow IRS/EDD/Labor or any other rules or laws.

September Birthdays – Two Down, One To Go

Well, I don’t have time to write much now, but I have Kirstie and Josh’s birthday under my belt and Sophia’s is right around the corner! They celebrations have been full of activity and this old lady needs some sleep, lol!  I am always blessed by those who called, wrote, and otherwise blessed my children!  Thank you!

More later!

Ramblings of an Insomniac

Well, it’s not exactly fair to say this is MY fault for not being able to sleep – some crack head person called my home number at like 3:15am!  Of course, that meant I needed to call them back to say, “Hey, do you even know what time it is?”  And that didn’t exactly work out as I think it was a telemarketer and the number doesn’t ring through.  But the activities meant I was wide awake.  THEN, I checked my email on my phone and saw that one of my co-workers added me on Facebook, so I HAD to get online to add him!  Right?

Maybe it IS my fault!

Speaking of work, it sucks.  Now vendors are taking us to small claims court and the boss, well he thinks he can call them and tell them not to.  Of course, the demand he wants to make doesn’t include any payment on the account, but that’s just a small detail.

I am loving the new home, though!  We ride bikes, go to the beach, and have so much fun here!  And the neighborhood is GREAT!  I can’t say enough good about it and – although the circumstances that got us here were not the best – I am glad we are here.

So I had much more to say, but got distracted researching something.  So that’s it for now!

Tuesday Song – Butterfly

by Jason Mraz. One of the most talented musicians/performers, I think, in recent times! He does an amazing job of telling a story, mixing genres (LOVE the horns!), and his songs seems so liquid to me……and sounds great live too!

Song – I Got a Feeling

from The Black Eyed Peas – my new fav song!  I have the kids singing it all the time, too!

I gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night
that tonight’s gonna be a good night
that tonight’s gonna be a good good night (x3)

Tonight’s the night night
Let’s live it up
I got my money
Let’s spend it all

Go out and smash it
like Oh My God
Jump off that sofa
Let’s get get OFF

I know that we’ll have a ball
if we get down
and go out
and just loose it all

I feel stressed out
I wanna let it go
Lets go way out spaced out
and loosing all control

Fill up my cup
Mozoltov
Look at her dancing
just take it off

Lets paint the town
We’ll shut it down
Let’s burn the roof
and then we’ll do it again

Lets Do it (x3)
and live it up

i gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night
that tonight’s gonna be a good night
that tonight’s gonna be a good good night (x2)
www.musicloversgroup.com

Tonight’s the night
let’s live it up
I got my money
Lets spend it all

Go out and smash it
Like Oh My God
Jump off that sofa
Lets get get OFF

Fill up my cup (Drink)
Mozolotov (Lahyme)
Look at her dancing (Move it Move it)
Just take it off

Lets paint the town
We’ll shut it down
Lets burn the roof
and then we’ll do it again

lets do it (x3)
let’s live it up

Here we come
here we go
we gotta rock

Easy come
easy go
now we on top

Feel the shot
body rock
Rock it don’t stop

Round and round
up and down
around the clock